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“The true mystery of the world is the visible, not the invisible” - Oscar Wilde

Pandora’s Box: The words

The Abuser:

The frustration grows

The hatred grows

Turning inwards

Turning red

Turning toxic

Turning violent

Turning from prey to predator

Turning the abused into abusers

Turning me into them

But this is part of the essence of me

This is my wounded and broken child

This is my hurt, my sorrow and my pain

Turning it around

Turning me around

The fear invades

It pierces, it probes, it rapes, it sodomizes

It kills the little girl

It kills the fire

It kills the goodness

So let the demon come out to play

Let the demon claim his prize

Let the demon embrace them all

Burn it all

Burn it all down

To be reborn from the ashes

To be reborn of fire

To be reborn

Let the Phoenix rise

Let the goddess come forth

For the strength of the broken can heal the darkest of souls

Fear

Fearful

Fearful of feeling

Feeling pain

Feeling anger

Feeling sorrow

Breaking through fear

Feeling it

Feeling through it

Breaking through it

Feeling

Feeling alive

Feeling proud

Feeling love

Feeling the gold

Feeling free

Pain is fuel

Sorrow is fuel

Anger is fuel

Fuel for the power

The power to break through

Breaking through fear

The circle of death and rebirth

Rewriting

Reforming

Unlearning

Being..

Patterns

Endless suffering

Endless torture

The constant , should I?

Would I?

Could I?

Do I have the right to feel this way?

Do I have the right to express this?

Do I have the right to say no?

Is it justified?

Am I justified ?

My mind screams "what the fuck do you expect of me?

So I can oblige

So I can be accepted

My expression of quiet compliance

Inside a volcano desperately being held in check

To erupt on canvas

To explode in expression

To ooze its way into a new existence

Transformed through the sweet moment of release

A birth

A rebirth

A death

A child emerges

Excited, curious, wide eyed with endless possibilities

Being happy

Feeling bliss

Feeding bliss

Then it begins again..

That voice

That ceaseless questioning.  

Should I?

Would I?

Could I?

Shit

What am I supposed to say?

To do?

To be?

Who am I?

What am I?

When am I?

I I I I I .. ME ME ME

Youre not good enough

You don't deserve to be here

You don't deserve to be..

Fuck you

Fuck me

Fuck I

Fuck eternity

Fuck it all

Endless suffering

Endless torture

Can I escape this endless pattern

Can I?

And so we begin again..

The cycle of reaction, behavior,  perspective

The endless bullshit of it all

Oh to feel the sweet numbness ease this suffering

The addictions to ease the load..  

The escape

The flight

Yet I see the path clearly

Yet I still take one step a day

Yet I still believe I can simply be me..

Be patient my love

We are but works in progress

And perfection is a lie

Be grateful for each breath

Be grateful to be

Acceptance of whats within

Acceptance of being and breathing..

Acceptance of being human

How is this possible?

How do I find it?

One step at a time my love..

The Journey:

Fear of being seen

Fear of being heard

Fear of being touched

Fear of being loved

Limits, Walls, Borders, Boxes, Chains

Holding us

Holding us back

Holding us back from Screaming our truth

Holding us back from Standing in the light

Holding us back from Reaching out

Holding us back from Now

Running into the past and aiming for a distant future

Forever chasing and never reaching

Forever being ripped apart by conflict

Conflicted, Separated, Isolated,

The deep sick war we wage on oursleves

That punishing, raping, abusing, self loathing part of ourselves we try to escape from

Through addiction comes affliction

The wheel keeps turning , over and over and over again

Recognising patterns

Looking and seeing

Seeing ourselves

Who am I?

How do I feel?

What do I want?

Uncertainty and insecurity creep in

The self punishment rises into a roar

It burns

Run

Go back to the box

Close down

Shut down

Lay Down

Give up

Search deeper

Dive deep

Learn to swim

To flow with the wheel

The wheel of all

The wheel of you

The wheel of life

See the reflections

Let them show you the way

See Yourself

Hear Yourself

Feel yourself

Love yourself

All of it

The Protector, The Pretender, The Nurturer, The Provider, The Liar, The Lover, The Predator, The Idiot, The Idol, The Intellect, The Hater, The Pure, The Warrior, The Crazy, The Clear

Ride the Pedulum

Ride the Snake

Ride the River

Be Loud

Be Bright

Be Beautiful

Be Loved

Be Life

Step Up

Step Out

Break Out

Break Free

Freedom

Freedom from limits, walls, borders, boxes , chains

Freedom from fear

Fear?

What are you?

So Familiar

So Sticky and slick

So Heavy

Such an Illusion

For We are the Captors, The Enslavers, The Enforcers, The Wardens, The Controllers

We chain ourselves.

We break ourselves.

We condemn ourselves

We run from ourselves

Stop

Wake up

This hellish nightmare isn’t real.

See Yourself

Embrace Yourself

Hear Yourself

Love Yourself

Journey Home

The journey home

This is Life

So, my old friend fear.. what truly are you?

“I am the Cage and I Dare you to escape “

So Lets Dive in

Be the Glitch

Be Alive, Be Life

Being Human:

Today I cried

Cried?

Bawled – No , I wailed

That guttural sorrow

That breathless grief

Not knowing if its ever going to end

Stop, stop

Take a breath

Calm yourself

GOD NO – let it out

It needs to come out

Scream it out

It hurts

It burns

This loss

But what is it for?

Where did it come from?

Just allow it

Let it pass through

No, No, Why is it there?

Ive got to know

Hang onto the feeling

Don’t let it go

Swallow it until we can explain it

It rises

A wave breaking

I break, I crash, I burn

It burns

It takes me

I hate this

Losing control

Not knowing why

Not knowing the story

Was it worse that anything I can imagine?

It has to be

The feeling is so big

Its story must be huge

I must be so special

Oh for fuck sake

Just stop it

Fuck the story

Just feel

Watch it

Allow it to pass through

But , but , but the story?

Fuck the story

Its just a feeling

Its just being human

But that’s illogical

Wheres the why?

Fuck the why

But am I not so very special?

No love, you’re just human

Strike that…   you’re just learning to be human.